Happiness Isn’t Everything“Positive vibes only.” “Don’t focus on the negative.” “Positive mind, positive vibes, positive life.” Have you ever noticed how much our society is focused on positivity? On feeling happy all. the. time? Don’t get me wrong—happiness is a wonderful feeling, and working to cultivate joy in your life is fantastic. The problem becomes when the pursuit of happiness gets in the way of healthfully feeling and processing our other, natural emotions. Those “negative” emotions are just as valid as our “positive” ones. (I put those terms in quotes because I don’t believe in “good” or “bad” emotions. All your feelings are valid; you’re just responsible for how you respond to them.) With that in mind, let’s dig in to how you can work through your not-so-happy feelings: Stress/anxiety: focus on single, tangible things you can change. For example, remove two items from your coffee table or do the dishes with your phone in a different room. Anger: express yourself alone first before you lash out at whatever or whoever is bothering you. Journal it out or scream along to some heavy music. Loneliness: find new (safe) ways to stay connected. Start a weekly phone call with a friend or go old school and become handwritten-letter pen pals. Exhaustion: engage in your favorite energy-lifting activity. Throw a personal dance party in your kitchen or center yourself with meditation. Discouragement: celebrate a few “little” wins if you’re feeling like you’re not accomplishing your goals. Take a warm bath, do a ten-minute workout, or fold a single load of clean laundry. Numbness: if you’re struggling to feel anything at all, choose an activity you know usually brings you joy. Do it at half speed and really pay attention to the sensations in your body. Deep dive into yourself and your experiences in those single moments.
Happiness is a great goal to have. But don’t dismiss or ignore the other emotions in your life because you think it’s the only one you’re allowed to feel. And, of course, it’s always a good idea to talk with a mental health professional. Find one near you with a tool like this one from Psychology Today.
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